I doubt anyone will ever read this so I'm gonna put things pretty blunt here. Life sucks right now. Not just for me in my current situation in life, which isn't ideal but it's not why life sucks. We've destroyed all of the essence of what it means to be human beings little by little, systematically, and turned our self's into mere husks of beings, shells, reflections, or shadows of what we truly are and are meant to me and I for one am sick of it. Let me tell you all a story about a boy. This boy was wild, mischievous, but fiercely loyal and loved deeply. He grew up not understanding the rules the way everyone else did. If someone told him to do something or not do something he'd think to himself, why? But he followed the directives publicly and put a good face on, but he always wondered why, and went out to search for those answers. His dad warned him of sleepovers with bad friends and bad things that could happen but he didn't understand why. He met another questioning soul who didn't have the luxury of being told as many of the rules named light, and so light did as he pleased. He got pleasure out of stealing something precious from his friends. He stole ignorance. Is the world so good and kind or will people take advantage of you? Backstab you, lie to you, steal your innocence? Yes they will. He taught many of his friends the ways of the world, the ways of darkness and shadow, of lust and desire. He manipulated and bent others to his will until they became just like him. His greatest student was our poor boy, let's call him shadow. Shadow found this new art delightful and sought out the darkness. Shadow betrayed light to his ultimate demise, and never spoke of his gratitude for being taught the ways of the dark side of the force. And in the dark side of the force, shadow grew in his power, he conquered many, bent many family members and friends to his own will, he took advantage of kindness, and stole innocence, ignorance, and light from all he met. He kept wondering why not? He didn't understand pain and suffering, he never suffered except from the pain of his own existence. The pain of existing to spite life, the pain of existing to cause suffering to others, the pain of true loneliness, which as another poor soul states, loneliness is much more than being physically alone, loneliness is a tear in the soul itself. Shadow grew and grew in strength, he conquered others through scheming, cheating, manipulation, even though he was bright. He was brilliant. His mind held the keys of life and death itself. His mind was powerful, but he used it only as a tool to force his will onto others. As he slowly bent those around him into his own image, he noticed that life began to grow increasingly dull by the day. While his shell slowly wasted away, his true self hid in the shadows, waiting and watching. His greatest pleasure was catching someone right at the wrong moment and pouncing out of no where, consuming all in his way and oozing evil and darkness. Animals barked all night when he came out to play. His siblings would be haunted by visions of demons, spiders, and worse. His sister fled in her sleep to try and escape. But none could escape when he came to play. But there were moments when another being tried to rip his way through. His name was honor. He came alive when several things happened. The sound of mother crying was like a tear through the fabric of his being that threatened to rip him in two and bring out a new beast, but when Honor came to life he would soothe her, and calm her and peace filled the room, love shot through to the corners of the house, and all would become well. The sounds of his sister scream also would forever haunt him, it broke the shadow forever. It drained him of his life and sent him to hide in the dark corners of his own heart. From then on shadow would pretend to be honor at all times unless he was alone, or he had laid bear his soul to someone else and intoxicated them with the shroud of darkness and used this to secretly consume his prey in the shadows, while all that others saw was a noble man trying his best in a dark world. But it wasn't enough. Shadow took back more and more control until, he was free. He was sent away from his home to a school where he would learn the blue magic, but when he ceased being near his anchors to reality, he began a spiral of darkness that threatened to consume the entire school. In the shadows of darkness he experimented with magical substances which could release his chains one at a time. The first to break was his loyalty. No one meant anything to him, and all were pawns he could use to get what he wanted out of them. The second was his image, he no longer cared about how he appeared to others, he didn't care about looking like honor, he burned his persona and fully gained control. The third chain that broke was his virginity, he wanted to save himself in some way for his wife but once that was gone, he had no reason to not indulge in every dark fantasy he had ever imagined. The fourth chain that broke was his doubt, he no longer doubted in his own abilities, he knew what he was capable of and used his full potential to barely pass his classes while cheating on girlfriends and consuming media online like no one had ever done before. Every corner of YouTube, Instagram, every free movie website, porn site, twitter, all of the other video streaming sites, he knew what was on each one and thus learned what is really in the hearts of all men, and that's when his fifth chain broke, his love of humanity, humans became like filth to him, little better than dogs, no one was worthy of his time or effort, and he began scheming to burn everything to the ground along with himself. He burned with hatred for everyone and everything, and used it to fuel his imagination. His imaginations were like none seen before in the history of man. Imaginations strong enough to change the landscape of the entire dream world, imaginations which seeped into the universal human consciousness, seeped through time and space itself and into the media. Everything he watched was a metaphor for himself being the devil, everyone else as demons, and the world only as a place which must be destroyed in order for anything truly meaningful to be born. Shadow was weakened many times, past lives tore him in pieces and the cries of his sister and mother gave birth to many new personas and identities inside of him, but still it was the shadow that sat back and watched and laughed as everyone else was being dragged down and destroyed by his own dark heart. His shell tried to morph into a musician but was cut down by his own self, showing him all the futures in which this ends horribly wrong. Every time he tried to escape from himself, from his own shadow, the darkness would panic and become volitile and snuff back out the light. There are many unwritten great moments of hope for our young hero but he remains trapped. His shadow is the only one smart enough to decipher and break unnecessary rules that keep him in chains, and yet the chains are the only thing keeping the shadow from consuming all life on earth with it. His brighter personas have some strength right now, but shadow is increasing the gravity, making it nearly impossible to lift his head out of bed in the morning. His brighter personas see so much possibility for hope and goodness in the future, but it is all covered by the shroud of the Shadow. He has too much power to be stopped right now. Honor prays to Jesus that the shadow will be struck down and killed but he senses that there might be some use for him yet, and yet as long as he lives there is a chance he takes control and brings everyone down. And the truth is, he loves the shadow now, he loves the darkness that surrounds him. It keeps him safe, protects him from prying eyes, comes up with some not as terrible ideas that sometime get a laugh out of others. It's a confusing way to live for our young hero, and the worst part of it are the layers of prisons. First are his own mental prisons which keep him at bay, then there are the physical prisons which threaten any interesting actions and finally are the digital prisons that enslave us all and keep our minds focused on a picture that is distorted, not truly colorful, and full of pain and deceit. Most people who might have been considered allies in the past appear to have died or are comatose in a strange state of life and death, enslaved to the past, enslaved to the future, never living right here, right now. Goodnight
